


I See You

by DreamsAndDaytime



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Dark, Depression, F/M, Family, Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Sad with a Happy Ending, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-09-28 01:09:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20417375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamsAndDaytime/pseuds/DreamsAndDaytime
Summary: Adrien is struggling with suicidal thoughts lately. Because of his home situation, he becomes more depressed by the day and never asks for help. Luckily there's someone out there who is watching over him when he needs it the most.





	I See You

**Author's Note:**

> I just started watching ML(i know i'm late) and i love it! I hope i can do it some justice with this work. My first language isn't English so there could be some mistakes in the story. The shipping is more on a friendship/crush level because i wanted the story to be around Adrien and his feelings. Enjoy!
> 
> Warning: this story contains suicidal thoughts and actions. If you're sensitive to that, please don't read! I'm not a mental health lover. This work is simply based off of my own experiences from a few years back.
> 
> Edit: someone in the comments told me that my fic looked a lot like the song I See You from MISSIO and they are right! It's not based off of it but it really does fit well and i'm glad they let me know.

His hair blew around his face late at night, the cold wind turning his cheeks pink underneath the mask he wore. What a tragedy must it be to find Chat Noir dead on the floor tomorrow. The protector of Paris lying still and unmoving in the centre of the city. What would people think about him then? Would he even still be Chat Noir or would Plagg lose the transformation as soon as he died? What would happen to the Kwami? Would Ladybug come and take his miraculous back? 

_Shit_.

He couldn't leave his ring in open daylight for anyone to take. He had to make sure that it got to someone worthy to take over his role before he...

Adrien stopped in his thoughts. Why was he always thinking about dying lately? He couldn't do that. Adrien wasn't stupid. When he first started feeling bad he had blamed it on exhaustion, believing that his busy schedule made him feel down all the time. After a couple of weeks, the teen became a bit suspicious. His fingers had been quick in Googling his concerns down into his phone but he wished he hadn't.

_Depression_. A mental illness that could occur anytime in a person's life when something emotionally bad and/or stressful happened. Of course some people were simply born with the disorder but Adrien was pretty sure that the disappearance of his mother and his busy life had something to do with his current predicament.

He hadn't wanted to believe it first. The only thing Adrien wanted was to be happy with his friends and family. Feeling so hollow like he did now only made him feel more down than he already did. He wondered if depression could go away on it's own. Some articles online had said something about that but most of them advised readers to seek help which was exactly what he didn't want to do. His father would have a fit if he found out. Adrien would probably have to go see a therapist without speaking of it any further. If the news would find out, his life would be even more depressing than it already was and so would his father.

The thought about telling his friends had come to mind a couple of times but he pushed the idea out of his head. Adrien hated to bother his classmates. The thought alone made chills running down his spine.

Plagg was the only one who had sensed something off about him. The Kwami - though simple minded and lazy - could be surprisingly observing at times. He had voiced his concern many times before and Adrien had to admit that he felt grateful for the attention. There was a lot that he kept from the Kwami but sometimes he gave in to the desperate need to talk about his feelings(or rather lack thereof).

He took another step towards the edge of the tall building he found himself on, adrenaline coursing through his veins. Adrien could let himself fall and no one would be able to stop him. Maybe he would see his mother. That thought alone made his heart skip a beat in giddy anticipation.

He would never go like this though. Adrien had to plan everything more carefully.

He shook his head. "Stop it," the blonde whispered to himself. "You can't do this to everyone. You're gonna be okay." The wind was the only sound that answered him.

He frowned down at the tiny cars passing underneath his feet. People seemed to be doing okay everywhere he went. Adrien felt so detached from everything lately; like looking at the world from behind glass.

He took another step towards the edge and closed his eyes, envisioning himself falling down. Would his father cry? Would Nathalie care about his death? What about his friends? How long would it take for people to get over him? What did it matter? He was only one of so many people that had set foot on the earth. What did another perso--

"Chat Noir!"

His eyes snapped open at the voice. Ladybug stopped a few steps behind him, her expression as sweet as ever. Had she meant to find him or had she coincidentally been in the neighbourhood? He wasn't going to ask her though. He didn't think he had the energy anyway. "Hey."

She frowned at his short answer. "Is something wrong?"

_Yes_. He wanted to spill his heart out to her but he couldn't. He had to be strong for her and Paris. The city needed their saviours and one depressed hero was enough already. He didn't need to drag his friend into this mess.

Adrien smiled. "I'm fine. Just tired."

She didn't seem like she believed him but made no further comments. Ladybug was nice enough to leave him alone if he wanted to and he appreciated her for that.

They talked about trivial things that happened during their day after that. Adrien enjoyed these moments even though his heart wasn't in it. Just being close to his Lady and forgetting reality for an hour was enough to brighten his day.

He was somewhat happy when he returned home and crawled into bed. Hopefully tomorrow would be better. 

_Hopefully_.

________________________________

Adrien was getting desperate. A couple of months had passed and his condition had only worsened. Photo shoots didn't interest him at all, school had turned into a chore instead of an escape and his appetite had been gone for forever. But most of all, Adrien was just so _tired_ all the time. Waking up in the morning had turned into the hardest task of his life. Nathalie had come into his room to wake him up more than once now this week and it was frustrating. He was glad all of a sudden for his private driver because he would _not_ survive walking every day to school.

He sighed as he made his way into class that morning. His body slumped into the chair almost immediately, like an invisible chain was pulling him down. Nino greeted him like every morning. Adrien put up his sincerest smile, cringing inwardly. Since when had he become this good at lying?

Thoughts about killing himself flooded back to him. He wanted to pay attention but his mind couldn't stop thinking about what if's and possible scenarios. Adrien would do anything to turn his mind off for a few seconds. To be _okay_ again.

"So, what do you say?"

He blinked up at Nino. "What?"

His friend frowned at him. "I asked if you wanted to get some ice cream with me, Alya and Marinette during lunch. We think we know where André is located."

"Oh. Sure! Sounds great."

Nino gave his shoulder a small pat and Adrien was glad for the gesture. His friend seemed to have gotten used to his lies by now. Marinette on the other hand was eyeing him with a strange glint in her eyes, making him feel uneasy. He followed them out of the classroom as fast as he could without turning back to her(even though he wanted to).

The afternoon went by like always. Adrien enjoyed his cold snack with his friends without any negative thoughts to distract himself with. There was always the invisible glass between them, however, like he wasn't able to connect with them anymore. His classmates seemed to be on a different planet and Adrien couldn't see them. Maybe that was what irritated him most about feeling this way.

The ice fell flat on his tongue. Marinette was giving him another one of her curious expressions next to him on the bench. It made him feel wanted and uncomfortable all at once. Like she could see right through him. Like she wanted to say something but didn't want to make things worse for both of them. Like she was the only one who knew that he was there.

_I see you_.

But Adrien turned his head away before dumping his lunch in the nearest trash can.

The numbness was especially allconsuming when he got home. Plagg cracked a couple of jokes but he wasn't registering any of it. He simply let himself slump onto his bed without moving. His room was dead silent. If he were to hurt himself now, no one would notice for at least another twelve hours.

His bathroom stood open on a crack. He could walk over there right now and swallow some pills. It would be so _easy_. Please, let him swallow something. Anything to make him happy again like he used to be before _she_ left. Let him feel again. Let him live without the guilt and the exhaustion and the hurt.

_Please_.

He must have fallen asleep for a moment because when he opened his eyes again, the sky was starting to darken. What if he just ran away? He could escape from this place. Nothing was impossible for him and Plagg. They could finally be okay again. Together. But his mind would follow too.

"Let me just disappear," he whispered into the dark. He received no answer back.

________________________________

His feet hurt as they hit the rooftops of Paris hard. Adrien held his breath each time he jumped over streets, seeing how far he could go without actually suffocating. Today had been rough. The young teen had just escaped out of his room after his father had given him an outburst. Adrien hadn't been paying attention at school, had been too exhausted to perform properly at fencing practise and now his piano lessons were going downhill. He was losing himself. He was slowly disappearing behind a mask he had created and his father had noticed.

His words had been hard. Adrien wasn't allowed to see his friends anymore, go to school and his schedule had been modified so he was able to practise every day instead of each week. The moment his father had walked out of the room, Adrien had transformed into Chat Noir and _run_.

He hadn't mapped out a route for himself when he fled but his feet had automatically taken him to the Seine. It was dark out. Most tourists must have gone to their hotels by now because one of the bridges above the famous river was deserted. _Good_.

Without thinking, Adrien landed on the ground before stopping at the edge of the bridge. The water looked cold but inviting. What would it feel like to let go? To feel the bitter cold around his body before darkness consumed him? He really wanted to know.

With two words, the boy undid himself of his transformation. His eyes were drawn to the stream beneath his feet, like a siren calling for its prey. "I'm sorry."

"Adrien?" The black cat mewled out after those words. He looked tired. Adrien smiled before handing him a piece of Camembert. He was going to miss the Kwami.

Plagg bit into the food hungrily before noticing his friend's determined expression. "Adrien?" He asked again, the cheese forgotten in his little paws.

Adrien smiled at him. "Have i told you how much i love you?" Plagg held his breath. "I'm so glad you chose me out of all those people. I'll never forget our moments together as Chat Noir."

The cat blinked at him. "Did you hit your head when you jumped from that building because you're not making any sense."

He laughed. "Find someone who can buy you the best cheese in the world, Plagg."

The cat watched his friend turn towards the water once again, fear settling in the pit of his stomach. _Oh no_. He had lost one master like this before. He was _not_ allowing it to happen again.

As fast as he could, the Kwami flew away from Adrien and into the dimmed streets of Paris. He knew exactly where to go and who to find for help.

Marinette was fast asleep when someone started to shout in her ear. With a scream of her own she sat bold upright, blinking at a dark Kwami floating in front of her face. "Huh?" She slurred out. "Aren't you Chat Noir's Kwami?"

Tikki came to rest on Marinette's shoulder, her famous frown in place. "Plagg? What are you doing here! We can't just abandon our Chosen."

"No time to explain! My friend is going to hurt himself and i need help!"

Marinette was on her feet in seconds. "Show me the way!"

She had transformed into Ladybug without wasting time. Her magic yoyo seemed to be clasping itself around the chimney's faster than usual as she followed Plagg into the night.

Her eyes widened when she noticed a figure standing on the edge of a bridge, their hands clinging onto the railing behind them. Marinette didn't know if she should be more shocked with the fact that Adrien was Chat Noir or that he was currently about to kill himself. Hadn't she noticed him slipping away since the start of the school year? There was no time to ponder over it.

"Adrien!" She screamed as soon as her feet hit the ground. "Don't!"

His back stiffened. Ever so slowly, he turned his face just enough for him to see her standing a few ways back. Ladybug. She looked as breathtaking as always. He could feel a small smile form on his lips just from being near her. The perfect way to go. But... She would never let him jump.

Plagg flew up to his face. For the first time since meeting the Kwami Adrien felt sour upon seeing him. Couldn't Plagg leave him be for once instead of going off on his own and getting help? "Adrien, don't jump. I got you some help."

A red blurr moved out of the corner of his eye from where he was standing in front of the railing. He could just let go. He could leave this world with his loved ones by his side. He could--

"_Chaton_."

The word made him almost drop the railing. How Ladybug managed to steady him at all times was a mystery to him. The nickname held so much emotion. So much familiarity. He was reminded of happy endings. Of talking late into the night on different rooftops of Paris. He thought about her laugh and how he really wanted to hear it again.

Adrien was slowly coming back to himself. He still felt awful but the idea of jumping into the ice water seemed like a terrible one now. It would hurt, wouldn't it? What about his father? The man was cruel but could he leave him all alone after his mother left too? He wanted to say goodbye to his friends before he went. _If_ he went. No, _when_ he went.

Not now but maybe next week when his angel wasn't around.

His hands ached from the tight grip they had on the railing behind him. God, that was a deep fall.

"Adrien, give me your hand."

He swallowed. Chat Noir wasn't afraid of anything. Chat Noir would just jump and swing himself back up onto the bridge. Chat Noir was so much better than him. Adrien though was scared. His breath came out too fast and his heart hammered in his chest as he stared down at the water below. "Adrien," Ladybug called out again. He sucked in a sharp breath. "Give me your hand. Please."

He always did what she told him. With trembling fingers, the young teen lifted one hand off of the railing. She caught it easily. Ladybug's strong hands held his the whole time Adrien lifted one leg after the other over the railing. She pressed him against her chest as they sunk down to the floor and shushed him when he started to tear up, running a hand through his hair.

"I'm sorry," he cried into her shoulder. "_Milady_..."

"It's okay. Just..." She sucked in a breath. It wasn't okay. "You scared me, _Chaton_. I... You mean so much to me. Why would you do that?"

He shook his head, the words stuck in his throat.

"Why didn't you say something?"

Why didn't he? Because a voice inside his head forbid him to. Because he felt too worthless for anyone's help. Because Adrien was too exhausted for anything each and every day, let alone talk about his feelings.

He shrugged. "I didn't want to bother anyone."

"You're never a bother! You could've come to us. Alya and i were really worried."

"Alya?"

She stiffened against him. Adrien pulled back a few centimetres to look her in the eyes. Her blue gaze had turned unsure and hesitant. "_Milady_?"

She chuckled softly. "I guess it's only fair."

His eyes widened when her transformation fell away. Like under a spell, the blonde stared at her as she averted her eyes to her lap. "Marinette?"

"_Salut_ Adrien."

Of course Marinette was Ladybug. Who else could be so kind and sweet? Who else would rush to his aid the moment she heard someone was in need of help? How could he have been so blind all this time? Maybe he had been too busy with himself all this time that he hadn't been paying attention to her or anyone else of his friends. Now he felt even more guilty than he already was.

"I'm so sorry," he mumbled. "I should've known. I should've... I..."

"Stop apologizing. It's okay. I didn't know it was you either."

He wasn't brave enough to ask her if he was living up to her expectations. Marinette was everything he had Ladybug wanted to be but what did she think about him? Adrien was just a spoiled model anyway.

Plagg hugged his cheek then, earning a smile from Adrien. Marinette eyed them fondly. "Do you want to come over to my house? We can get you something to eat and maybe watch a movie. I-if you want to!"

He was too tired to rebel against her. "That sounds amazing."

They walked the whole way to Marinette's home. Adrien loved the smell of bread when they made their way through the bakery before heading upstairs. Her parents were still asleep so the house was quiet.

"Here." Adrien eyed the cup of chocolate milk he got shoved in his hands, the image alone making his mouth water. "What would you want to eat? We got quiche or potatoes. Maybe there's still some pasta too but i'm not sure if my dad left my portion alone."

"Potatoes' good."

She gave him a quick nod before shoving the leftover in the microwave. He took a seat as he watched her jump from one place to another. Where she got the energy to do so was beyond him but he admired her for it. "Oh! Blankets! Hold on. I'll be right back!"

He took a sip of his hot coco while his friend ran upstairs. A humm left his mouth at the sweet taste. Marinette's home was so cozy. So warm. He felt guilty for the jealousy that raised up inside of him. What he wouldn't do to have the same warmth in his house like hers.

"I'm back!" She exclaimed before a soft blanket fell over his shoulders.

He smiled at her. "Thank you."

They were quiet for a moment until Marinette spoke up. "Do you want to talk about it?"

He shrugged.

"I don't mind. Really."

He eyed the cat on his shoulder who gave an encouraging nod in return. Adrien sighed. "I'm just so tired. Of everything. I would disappear if i could but... I don't know. I don't want to sound like a spoiled brat."

"You don't!" Her response was immediate, throwing Adrien off guard. "I mean you don't. Trust me." 

He gave her a shy nod. "I can manage most of the time but there are moments that i want to hurt myself. That scares me. It's like i can't even trust myself anymore and... I don't know what to do."

"You should tell your father."

"No."

"Adrien--"

"No!" He cut her off. "Sorry. You just don't know what he's like. I'm sure he'll just want me to keep quiet about it for the press and i'm not sure if i can handle that. Not now. He won't understand."

She lay a hand on his before quickly pulling back, realising what she'd done. "I'm sorry!"

"No, no! It's okay."

Their fingers met once more, the touch making butterflies erupt in his stomach. Marinette was looking at him like she understood. Like she actually saw him. _Him_. The lost boy who pretended to be more than he was.

"I really think you should. Maybe he'll surprise you."

"I highly doubt that."

"You have to tell someone. Who knows what will happen if you go on like this. Maybe professional help would do you good."

"I don't want help."

"You're being difficult."

He bit his lip. Marinette was being such a good friend and the only thing he did was complain. It was a miracle that Adrien had such good friends in the first place.

The microwave gave a noise then. Marinette got up from her chair before placing the hot plate in front of him on the table. He eyed it heavily.

"You can take small bites. It doesn't have to be a lot. I just want you to get some food in your system."

He really hadn't been eating much, had he?

"Look," Marinette started. "Why don't you stay over for the night? We can watch something if you want or you could go to bed. Tomorrow is a new day and maybe you think differently about telling your father." She snapped her fingers all of a sudden. "I know! How about we let my mother talk to him? I'm sure he'll listen better if an adult spoke with him instead of a teenager."

He swallowed his bite slowly. "Maybe. I don't know."

She seemed content with the answer. Adrien ate most of his meal in silence. The two of them were too preoccupied with their own thoughts to speak up. He felt tired but in a different sense than before; like a heavy weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Maybe Marinette was right. Maybe he should speak about it with people he could trust. What was the point in keeping his feelings bottled up anyway? Even if his father was going to be difficult, Adrien was tired of pretending to be happy.

They ended up watching a movie in the living room. Marinette had chosen some romantic comedy and it looked alright. Not that he could really enjoy movies anymore but it offered some sort of distraction from reality.

His eyes were falling shut halfway in the film. Marinette gave his shoulder a light bump, making him snap his head up. "Let's go to bed." She paled. "N-not that we go to bed together! I just meant that you go to bed and i sleep on the couch! Hehe."

He smiled sleepily. "Sounds great."

Her bed was warm and cozy when he fell down on it. Marinette had given him a loose shirt and a pair of shorts to sleep in. The material wasn't as expensive like his own clothes but the fact that they were hers made his chest warm.

"Goodnight _Chaton_," she whispered from on the stairs. "I'll see you tomorrow."

He smiled back at her, for once in a long time looking forward to getting up in the morning.

**The end**.

________________________________


End file.
